Infinite to Finite....
" Love me when I least deserve it , because that is when I really need it "
What a true, powerful quote !! A friend of mine [ Nianaaz] posted this in Facebook and I was speechless for a couple of seconds when I read it. How wonderfully expressed !! The quote set me thinking so much and so deep !!
When we truly love someone, we really do not care if the recepient 'deserves' it. We just give it away, simply because we connect with the infinite at that moment - what is ' infinite ? ' - we give away, yet we do not feel any less - In fact we feel ' more' . When we are truly in love, we realize that love is something that doesn t become less because we gave it away. In fact, we become 'more loving' by giving it away.
Think about mom !! what did we do as babies, to deserve mom s love ? we got it anyway and we basked in it. Life was smile, baby talk, love and fun !! 'Deserving' was perhaps the last thing the mother and baby had in each other s mind when they loved each other. Love was just given, without the calculation on 'deservedness' of it.
Then, somewhere along the journey, this evil called 'expectation' comes in. A finite form is given to the 'infinite' love. Love has to be 'deserved' to be given. Somethign is also 'expected' in return. The child expects mom to be unconditionally loving always. Mothers expect their 'grown ups ' to make them proud or make them 'happy' in some way as they grow up. Both fail in each other s expectations to each other. Priorities change. Lines are drawn. Suddenly, the feeling is different. Love becomes 'finite' - It has to be 'earned' before it is given to you. The 'infinite' connection is lost forever. True, you still love each other and you think your mom is great, but 'as long as you meet my expectation...'.
It gets even more difficult with other relationships. Expectations[both spoken and unspoken] are set high and the recipient of love is always and continuously evaluated if he/she 'deserves' the little love that is given. If 'undeserved' then at some point, it is taken away !! Love often turns out to be disappointing and even stressful, due to the 'finite' nature . Witholding love becomes the way to elicit expected behaviour. It is seldom given without being 'earned' or deserved.
How do you ' deserve' someone s love ? Simple - meet the giver s expectations [ interestingly, one of which could be to 'love' him /her back without deserving it !!].
So, is it wrong to have expectations ? How can we love without expecting 'anything' ?
My two cents - Nothing wrong about expectations. It is only unfair to expect the other person to live upto it . No one was created to fulfil someone else s expectations - not your subordinate, not your maid, not your mom, son, etc..etc. No one has the obligation to fulfil your expectations, just because you want them to.
Once we understand this, the 'finite love' becomes more realistic [not easy] to deal with and infinite love becomes a possibility. We no longer feel 'angered' or disappointed when someone falls short of our expectations. We learn to make peace and be more accepting of those who do not make our expectations a priority in their life. In fact, the journey to the 'infinite' starts here. We learn not to withhold love just because someone fell short of our expectations.
Some individuals like Mother Teresa progress really far in this journey to infinite love and see a fulfilment that is unmatched. Mahatma Gandhi combined the finite and the infinite very well to make a difference in the lives of many.
Should you choose the finite or infinite ? It is really upto the individual and there are no 'right' or 'wrong' choices. In particular, I am NOT suggesting that choosing 'infinite' love is more noble . However, I feel it is closer to our nature. Why ? It is because we all experience finite love all the time and feel the vacum. Some day, we begin our 'return journey' to the infinite - loving without expectations and be more accepting of those who do not fulfill our expectations - Importantly, giving away love and feeling more instead of less. In short, loving someone irrespective of whether he /she 'deserves' it.
How do I close this never ending stream of thoughts ? I wish I get the strength to
1. Not withhold love from someone just because they did not live up to my expectations.
2. Love others without questioning whether they 'deserve' it.
3. Love others without expecting anything in return.
The journey starts with step 1 and moves progressively to 3. Someday, I hope to be there :)
What a true, powerful quote !! A friend of mine [ Nianaaz] posted this in Facebook and I was speechless for a couple of seconds when I read it. How wonderfully expressed !! The quote set me thinking so much and so deep !!
When we truly love someone, we really do not care if the recepient 'deserves' it. We just give it away, simply because we connect with the infinite at that moment - what is ' infinite ? ' - we give away, yet we do not feel any less - In fact we feel ' more' . When we are truly in love, we realize that love is something that doesn t become less because we gave it away. In fact, we become 'more loving' by giving it away.
Think about mom !! what did we do as babies, to deserve mom s love ? we got it anyway and we basked in it. Life was smile, baby talk, love and fun !! 'Deserving' was perhaps the last thing the mother and baby had in each other s mind when they loved each other. Love was just given, without the calculation on 'deservedness' of it.
Then, somewhere along the journey, this evil called 'expectation' comes in. A finite form is given to the 'infinite' love. Love has to be 'deserved' to be given. Somethign is also 'expected' in return. The child expects mom to be unconditionally loving always. Mothers expect their 'grown ups ' to make them proud or make them 'happy' in some way as they grow up. Both fail in each other s expectations to each other. Priorities change. Lines are drawn. Suddenly, the feeling is different. Love becomes 'finite' - It has to be 'earned' before it is given to you. The 'infinite' connection is lost forever. True, you still love each other and you think your mom is great, but 'as long as you meet my expectation...'.
It gets even more difficult with other relationships. Expectations[both spoken and unspoken] are set high and the recipient of love is always and continuously evaluated if he/she 'deserves' the little love that is given. If 'undeserved' then at some point, it is taken away !! Love often turns out to be disappointing and even stressful, due to the 'finite' nature . Witholding love becomes the way to elicit expected behaviour. It is seldom given without being 'earned' or deserved.
How do you ' deserve' someone s love ? Simple - meet the giver s expectations [ interestingly, one of which could be to 'love' him /her back without deserving it !!].
So, is it wrong to have expectations ? How can we love without expecting 'anything' ?
My two cents - Nothing wrong about expectations. It is only unfair to expect the other person to live upto it . No one was created to fulfil someone else s expectations - not your subordinate, not your maid, not your mom, son, etc..etc. No one has the obligation to fulfil your expectations, just because you want them to.
Once we understand this, the 'finite love' becomes more realistic [not easy] to deal with and infinite love becomes a possibility. We no longer feel 'angered' or disappointed when someone falls short of our expectations. We learn to make peace and be more accepting of those who do not make our expectations a priority in their life. In fact, the journey to the 'infinite' starts here. We learn not to withhold love just because someone fell short of our expectations.
Some individuals like Mother Teresa progress really far in this journey to infinite love and see a fulfilment that is unmatched. Mahatma Gandhi combined the finite and the infinite very well to make a difference in the lives of many.
Should you choose the finite or infinite ? It is really upto the individual and there are no 'right' or 'wrong' choices. In particular, I am NOT suggesting that choosing 'infinite' love is more noble . However, I feel it is closer to our nature. Why ? It is because we all experience finite love all the time and feel the vacum. Some day, we begin our 'return journey' to the infinite - loving without expectations and be more accepting of those who do not fulfill our expectations - Importantly, giving away love and feeling more instead of less. In short, loving someone irrespective of whether he /she 'deserves' it.
How do I close this never ending stream of thoughts ? I wish I get the strength to
1. Not withhold love from someone just because they did not live up to my expectations.
2. Love others without questioning whether they 'deserve' it.
3. Love others without expecting anything in return.
The journey starts with step 1 and moves progressively to 3. Someday, I hope to be there :)
Comments
It may be difficult to not expect anything straightaway.
You can perhaps try starting with not withholding what you give them because your expectations were not met.[ Step 1 ] :).
Nice to know our thoughts change the way others look at things, right ? :)
Dash